If you ask this lady, the answer is when you are in a pine box:

I snapped this at the fabric store while I was with my wife this past weekend. This senior is still stripping AFTER 25 FREAKIN’ YEARS! I wonder what strip club in hell she dances at? If she’s still giving lap dances, I hope she remembers her Depends. This woman should NOT be stripping. She should be in the kitchen baking me cookies.

I just noticed this picture on my phone, and forgot it was there:

I spotted this in Walmart while Christmas shopping and had to snap a picture of it. I’m not sure what’s going on here, but it appears that this unicorn is crapping rainbows. He’s looking back there either in shock, or in pride at his amazing accomplishment. The unicorn is printed on the outside of the plastic, and the rainbow is inside.

We stopped at a Walt’s Roast Beef today, and saw 2 signs on the door going in that made me embarrassed to group myself in with the human species. Have we really gotten this stupid/ignorant? I think these 2 signs are clear evidence that the end of the world is nigh!

AddLetters.com has a new Disneyland sign generator. Here’s my sign…can you imagine pulling up to Disney after a long drive with the kids to see this?

Hey Y’all! I just got back from moving my sister and her clan down to North Carolina. For those of you that don’t know, I live up in Rhode Island, the state no one has ever heard of – where there is a Dunkin’ Donuts every 150 feet, and everyone drops the “r”s off the end of words because they are too busy to keep them in there.

They do things a bit different down there in NC. (If you are from there, stop reading now…)

For starters, everything seems to be in slow motion. Slow and steady wins the race. People walking in and out of gas stations seem to look like they are out for a leisurely stroll.

Until recently, I thought Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy where exaggerated characters for the sake of comedy. Little did I know that there was a magical land where Nascar and mullets reign supreme…a land where you can get your Italian food at a place called the “Greek House”:

Need some chewin’ tobaccy, hunting gear, or a shirt with the sleeves ALREADY RIPPED OFF!? Head on over to J.R.s:

This place was like a redneck super store! It was loaded with Nascar gear, smokin’ stuff, and all the hunting clothes you can shake a stick at. They also had some barbeque sauce called “bone suckin’ sauce”. I’m not sure what you are supposed to put it on, but you can probably use your imagination.

Another thing they are big on down in NC is shagging. They shag like there’s no tomorrow, and aren’t shy about it in the least. In fact, they even give Shag lessons!

Sorry for the blurry pics…I forgot my good camera and had to use my phone.

Checkout this ad I found in the official tourist guide for Winston-Salem:

Now, checkout that lovely lass picking fruit a bit closer up:

She’s got a purty mouth, that one! If that’s not a dude, I’ll eat my hat. Hell, I’ll eat her’s too!

One thing I did notice is that people in general seem to be a lot nicer down there, in stores, at restaurants truck stops, etc…. Someone actually let us cross in front of them while driving, when they had the right of way! I think it was probably because they weren’t in a hurry to get anywhere.

Checkout this warning posted by Alaskan park officials regarding Alaskan Grizzly Bears:

I’ve had a few drinks in my day, but never quite enough to have a night like this guy. He woke up realizing he lost his pants, and a big cashier’s check that was inside.

I woke up cold not knowing where the heck I was, and I didn’t realize it at first because I still had my shoes and socks on,” he said. “When I got up, I realized, my God, I don’t have any pants.

Full Story Here

CAUTION: Contains some adult subject matter. If my nephews or neices are reading this, you better not click this or else.

This site is awesome. Real eCards that are as blunt as possible.